I am not heterosexual. I wear skirts. I have long hair. I wouldn’t cut my hair of because I know that I would loose the privilege of safety in public spaces when I would „look more lesbian“.
I think not appearing the way the mainstream imagines a marginalised/opressed/not-mainstrem person doesn’t help us to get safety when we think about it on a long term. It doesn’t change the system. We are not opening up for more diversity (in any context) when marginalised people try to get privileges through assimilating themselfes to the mainstream. It just let’s all of us (more or less privileged people) stick to rules how we have to behave. The privileged people can’t leave their privileged performances because a heterosexual woman with short hair might be called dyke. A tender man might be called gay. A woman with black hair might be called a stupid, badly-educated Latina. So people from marginalised groups can even help privileged people to get out of their performances by showing them different lifestyles. But as long as the privileged people are afraid to loose privileges when seeming not-mainstream they won’t follow. But we actually need them to follow, to open up their own performances to obliterate the borders of standard and not-standard.